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Check out this cool article from Carlos Xuma… although I swear it’s got to be written by a woman though…
Attention all intelligent men, there is a crisis at hand - beautiful eligible women are being swept away by beasts masquerading as real men. Women are often attracted to “bad boys” because they are aggressively pursued by them.
What women want is to be wooed and wowed by men. Unfortunately, too many women are falling prey to these “thug loves” - they usually end up emotionally and sometimes even physically abused.
These so-called “bad boys” are winning women over simply because they are assertive, confident, cocky, and competitive. In of itself these are not all bad traits, but mixed with the definition of a bad boy: selfish, dishonest, arrogant, abusive, irresponsible…
The bad boy image is not something that men should strive to achieve. Once you’re labeled as a bad boy, it’s a hard persona to shake.
Basically, everyone is walking around like an advertisement for who she or he is. First impressions are vitally important. If all someone sees is cocky and arrogant - than boom that’s your brand.
A woman I met recently at a cocktail party leaned into me, eyed me coyly, and uttered in a somewhat slurred and raspy voice, “why is it I always fall for the bad boys.” She then proceeded to tell me about an arrogant garish man she met at a cafe in London. “I was sitting alone enjoying my tea, when James and I met. He looked at me and I melted, he then said ‘what are you looking at you stuck-up American Bitch.’ That was it she said, in an even more slurred and vacant tone ‘I was in love.’”
For added effect, she feigned fainting.
I found this fascinating; if a guy said that to me I would perhaps be speechless, (it happens) I would certainly not be attracted to him - but rather disgusted. I have never felt any frisson of attraction with an overtly bad boy.
Her story rapidly deteriorated. They ended up dating for 6 months, he treated her horrible and it finally ended when he hit her. Awful. So yes, some women will fall for and stay with bad boys. Obviously, these women lack sound judgment and have major self-esteem issues. Hopefully, not anyone’s ultimate goal in a date, even if you are only looking for a one night stand. Sure, you may score, but…
Most women do not want to be crudely manipulated by men. That’s not to say that all manipulation is bad - it just needs to be subtle and caressing like a masseur - not whipped into submission like a hunk of abalone…
Men are so much more alluring when they have a combination of confidence intertwined with that cocky/funny thing and frosted with a sort of sexy vulnerability. Women do not want to be with men who are known players. Being with a man who is a player does not satisfy our ego.
I like well-rounded men that have a bit of a twisted sense of humor, are inherently kind, interested and versed on political, psychological, and spiritual matters.
Oh yea, and a bit naughty…
You see, it’s all about the fine art of balance.
MORE COMMENTS:
Yeah, balance is definitely where a lot of guys go wrong. Unfortunately, the imbalance is rarely to the arrogant end of the spectrum. It’s way over on the wussy end. They mistakenly believe that if they can prove themselves as being “nice” to women, that they’ll just flock to his door.
And we know that’s not so…
The Bad Boy often is very attractive to two kinds of women:
1) The woman with low self-esteem. She doesn’t feel that she deserves better, so she’ll take this guy because he challenges her like no other man will.
2) The woman who needs a heavy dose of emotional turbulence to feel attracted to a man. She’s a thrill-junkie. She wants the roller coaster ride that he can provide.
A lot of women are, by nature, addicted to emotional intensity. It’s something that I would call a disorder, actually.
Think about it: Women love to shop. They call it “retail therapy.”
What is it really? It’s an excuse to give themselves a “happy injection” by picking up a nice new something from the store.
And then, after the buzz of getting something new has worn off, they find another reason to be unhappy about something else. The cycle starts again, from happy… to emotional disquiet… and back again.
I know a guy who would joke with women by dangling his bracelet in front their eyes like a hypnotist and say, “Loooook…. shiny! Pretty thing! Follow the shiny object! Good girl!”
The whole time he’s holding it in front of their faces, most of the girls would just laugh because they realize that he’s being funny, but he’s also right. Women LIKE flashy visual images. Pictures on glossy magazines… flashy commercials… Shiny jewelry. (Who says women aren’t visual? It’s just for different reasons than men.)
Bad Boys are like this, too. They give women a spike to the vein, a quick injection of excitement and turmoil that will feed their emotional engine for weeks. Many women outgrow this need, but a lot of women never will.
I would add to “C”s interpretation that “a bit naughty” is subjective. But naughty MUST be in the mix if you want to spark her excitement and attraction.
My comments
Ah, the power of the “untameable”… the man that truly marches to the beat of his own drum is a power to be reckoned with indeed. His life… his own. His passions… his own.
Properly channeled… an attraction magnet.
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For more on the Carlos Xuma and the Dating Black Book, check out the Dating Black Book category…
