Category: 
Well, I think it’s about time that I write something that transcends everything that we talk about here at AEDS.
And, since I’m finding that this blog is being read by just as many woman as men (which still blows my mind)… I’m quite sure that this is going to hit home with quite an number of people.
Now, before I start, let me clarify something… THIS IS NOT MY AREA OF EXPERTISE.
This is just based on what I see… and I want to present another side to the story.
(Seriously, I thought of this while watching “Sling Blade” last night)
Let me start by saying this: If you are in an abusive relationship (physical, verbal, or emotional), then YOU are being a selfish person.
That’s a change isn’t it.
You know I really don’t feel sorry for the people in these types of relationships. Yeah, I know, you can say that “But you don’t understand”.
Kill it.
I like to compare it to drug abusers.
I feel MUCH, MUCH sorrier for the friends and families of these people. You know, the people that REALLY give a damn about you. The people that put THEIR NECKS on the line to try and help you out.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you’re friends and family WORRY about you. They try to help.
But they can’t.
You won’t let them.
I can think of plenty of examples where men and women are given an “out” by a friend of theirs… or maybe a family member. Perhaps they offer them a place to stay… perhaps they try to help out financially.
Here’s the deal… when a relationship gets to be abusive in any way… you can DIE from it.
Stress.
Or maybe the person gets jealous and goes off in a drunken rage and cuts you.
(Oh, and on the jealousy note… if you find that you’re sacrificing A LOT of your friend time to be with someone… you might want to check that.)
If you die due to someone abusing you… think of ALL of the friends and family that are going to MISS YOU.
Quit being selfish and get the hell out. RIGHT NOW.
Don’t think you can find anyone else. Right, a slug could find a better mate than that.
And, I don’t know about you… but worst come to worst… my hand never yells at me or beats me up (well, maybe not in so many words… lol)
I have to confess, this is the REAL reason that I’m writing this.
You see, if you’re in an abusive relationship… sooner or later… one of your friends or family members IS going to try and stand up for you. They may try to have a “talk” with this person. Maybe they’ll broach the situation in a more physical manor.
Best case scenario – you now have to CHOOSE between your family and friends… or this jack-leg that doesn’t know how to treat you.
Worst case scenario – someone gets hurt… badly.
So, I ask you this question.
If you’re in an abusive relationship, why do you stay?
Is it guilt?
Listen, who are you carrying that bag of bricks for anyway?
Because it FEELS awful when you have SOMEONE else jump in YOUR FIGHT because you’re TOO WEAK to make the right decision.
Remember, don’t be selfish… you aren’t the TRUE victim…
The people that love you are.
Comments, as always… are more than welcome.
Been there, done that, seen it all…for myself as well as others, both women and men in abusive relationships. This is undoubtedly a tough one, and for mildly abusive relationships, yes, surprisingly, I find myself generally agreeing. The hardest thing for another person to understand is dealing with someone who is “beat down,” brainwashed, essentially. We think that brainwashing is only for spies…hell, no!
A friend of a former HR person at a top national corp. told me an unbelievable secret: this company treated its top employees like pieces of crap. They threatened to give them poor references if they dared to leave. They continually browbeat their best people. In many cases it worked, even on otherwise highly intelligent people.
For those who can’t imagine being manipulated like this, the process is to take the love that someone has for you (or a job) and twist it into their greatest fear. Brainwashing works. Governments use it all the time on their enemies. And manipulative partners use it on the ones who love them.
And guess what? The more intelligent you are, the better chance you have of finding yourself in such a situation. Why? Because your intelligence allows for greater deviances from the “norm.” Scary, huh?
I agree. Thanks for saying it out for all of us concerned friends/family of those in abusive relationships.
It’s really sad when people think that someone who loves them has the right to abuse them
Sometimes though, I think such people are too used to being the victim that they actively recreate abusive relationships and seek out partners who have the tendency to abusive them and treat them badly…