How To NOT Be Cool — A Flame Out Story

You know, I get lots of comments and calls from friends that actually know that I’m the person that writes the material that goes on this site…

… and many of these friends just happen to be women.

Granted… I don’t have too many women friends… they always want to “escape” from the friend zone… lol… but I often hear things like:

“Where have the REAL men gone”

“Why is it that men have no clue”

“It seems like the harder they try, the worse it becomes…”

The last comment rings true much more than any other… especially when the guy is trying to “play it cool”.

I want you to read this true story that one of my women readers sent me as an example… an example of what NOT to do…

Here’s how the story goes… (hell, I should probably make an ANTI Tales of Seduction category for stories like this)

…the men she goes on dates with… well, they leave a lot to be desired. I knew that she would give me the details of the date when she was headed home and sure enough, the phone rang a lot earlier than I had planned for it to. The following was our conversation:

Sadie: Hello?
Jane: Girl… I have to tell you…

At this point I had already started laughing. With Jane, I knew that if she started the conversation like that, then the date in question had been a doozy, and that I was going to get a real tickle from her coming tale.

Sadie: That good huh?
Jane: Well let me tell you… he was late.
Sadie: Late? Well that’s not a great way to make an impression. Did he give a reason? How much later are we talking here?
Jane: He was 30 minutes late, didn’t call and arrived talking on his phone. I was not impressed. Then on top of that, I had taken a table already in the sun because I want to work on my tan and he had the nerve to ask me to move.

She sighed dramatically and paused before continuing her tale. I was snickering in the phone, trying to be an understanding friend.

Jane: Well, because he was so late I had already ordered and he wasn’t pleased with that… not sure why though; he was the late one. He didn’t even apologize. Just said there was a lot of traffic. So… yeah, we talked and he started going on about how he had known today was going to be a good day and then I asked him how he knew this and this is what he said: “I got up this morning and looked myself in the mirror and said, ‘You are a sexy man and today is going to be a good day’.”

I snorted over the phone and started to giggle.

Sadie: Are you serious? Was he serious?
Jane: He said it with a straight face and thank god I had my sunglasses on, because I don’t think I would have been able to keep a straight face otherwise. Later in the conversation I told him that I didn’t think we were compatible and he said it was just an off day for us, but really, Sadie, it was only our second date and I told you about the first one already.
Sadie: Well, you don’t have to see him again. Not that you really want to anyway.
Jane: Yeah, that’s a relief. An off day? What a joke.

End Story…

How many of you have tried to pull something like this?

First of all, if you’re gonna be late… have some CLASS and give the woman a heads up. Trust me… you can still have that adventurous image AND have some chivalry about you.

Think Knights Of The Round table… these guys were ass kickers… yet, they did everything with class.

James Bond… the same thing.

Remember, wasting someone’s time doesn’t turn them on… it pisses them off… especially if you’re with a STRONG woman that HAS OPTIONS.

The whole point is to distinguish yourself from the other men she’s been around.

And another thing… don’t try to act “cool” and make dumb ass comments about yourself unless you know how to say it in a half serious, half funny manner…

This comment would have been perfect with a sly smile…

Here’s the jist of this whole interaction…

Guy’s trying to be “cool” and aloof… but starts everything out on the wrong foot. He tries to sound confident, but comes off insecure and cocky at the same time (if he would have had a bit of humor in here, he could have been better off). Not only that, but he doesn’t try to diffuse the “late” situation and turn it into an opportunity to dial up some attraction and mystery. Then… he tries to blame it all on an “off day”.

Guess what, playboy… many times you only get one shot…

This is what I would have done:

First, upon knowing that I was going to be late… even if I WAS doing it on purpose… I would have called about 5 minutes before I was supposed to be there and:

Let her know that I was running behind
Tell her that there’s a funny story behind it, which I’d tell her all about when I got there, and get her smiling and laughing a bit… letting her know that the story would be worth the wait
Asked her what her time frame was looking like… if she was pressed for time… I’d tell her to do me a favor and order for the both of us (again in a somewhat playful manner)
Give her a rough estimate of when I was going to be there

When I got there, I wouldn’t apologize… but I’d go into the “drama” (with the whole point of having her laughing). Of course, when I was finished… I’d immediately ask her if she had any situations like that and talk about them a bit as I playfully joked around with her.

(situation diffused)

Now that the other person isn’t annoyed… you can work on “dialing” up some tension.

Look… everybody knows that shit happens and you don’t necessarily have to apologize for it… but you do have to have some CLASS and let the other person know.

A quick word on being aloof:

Acting like you don’t care is completely different than being unconcerned with a particular outcome… one is just that… acting… the other is an “inner game” quality. It’s quiet confidence.

Do not confuse cocky with confidence… they are vastly different.

If you have any questions or stories that you’d like me to discuss… send them to angeleyes(at)angeleyesdevilsmile.com … I won’t use any of your names or places… and you’ll definitely get a kick out of my responses…

Possibly related: