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Man… where am I coming up with this stuff. This line came from a Star Trek movie… but it also came from a song by Tupac Shakur on the “Above The Rim” Soundtrack… called “Pain”…
Are you ready to delve a little deeper in our 21 Questions realm?
I thought so.
Before I start… let me say this. Almost ALL emotional responses are good…
Some emotion is better than no emotion. Sad is better than nothing. Remember, asking questions that bring about emotions are golden… because you can always swing a person to the state that you want.
Anger, sadness, hurt… these can all be good things to bring about… as long as YOU aren’t the person that these emotions are about. Let me show you what I mean.
8. “I’m curious… what are your biggest fears in life?”
Scary question. Pretty ballsy for most to pull off… but ask it anyway. I like this question because it transitions you to a person of authority… like a teacher… or a coach.
If you’ve heard of Robert Cialdini and his work on persuasion… you know that being an authority is one of his “Six Weapons of Influence”.
(more on this in a later post)
Maybe we alleviate those fears… or at least discuss them. But… I’ll tell you this… no one else is asking her.
Sure… it may be a little uncomfortable… but once she begins to reveal little fears… and you respond with empathy… she’ll begin to uncover more and more.
Look… people WANT someone that they can talk to this stuff about, but they don’t want to be judged for it.
So listen. Let her reveal things about herself that even her FRIENDS don’t know.
Reveal a little fear about yourself as well in trade… maybe you have a common fear… like the fear of failure… or of letting your parents down.
Fear is an interesting emotion. Everyone has fears… no one talks about them… but everyone WANTS to… if someone would just LISTEN.
9. “If I had something that I needed to tell you, but was afraid that you may take it the wrong way or it might hurt your feelings, would you want me to tell you anyway?”
It’s easy for someone to build rapport with someone when they know that the person is a straight shooter… remember… no one does this.
(See my post on “Brutal Honesty” for more)
But here’s a twist…
What you are doing is letting someone know that you may be getting ready to drop a complete BOMB on them…
Then… what I want you to do is pay her a legitimate complement. An honest to goodness complement.
Talk about an emotional swing! Wow!
First, she’s given you PERMISSION to tell her something HARSH (which she’s now a bit nervous about).
Then… you slam home a terrific complement…
Do you think that this complement is going to mean more NOW that it ever would have before?
Abso-freakin-lutely.
Be careful though… she may start to smile uncontrolably and even punch you or call you “a bastard” in a playful sort of way.
Nice.
10. “When was the last time you felt like a complete klutz (bitch, asshole, whatever)?”
Again, we’re trying to get her to reveal a little about herself that may be a little painful… or uncomfortable.
Naturally, we’re going to have a little fun with this one… with playful joking and banter… like “I can’t believe YOU DID THAT, I seriously have to go… I can’t talk to someone who’s like that”
This one’s a great one to have fun with. Great for laughs and kino (punching, nudging, kicking under the table… which you accuse of being footsie).
So what do you think so far?
Am I giving you any ideas?
Is your mind swirling with possibilities?
If so, give me your best… write YOUR FAVORITE questions in the comments section below the “Your Dating Diet” logo… if I like it… I’ll use it and give you all the credit for being a “master seducer”…
More tomorrow.
