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Pay close attention, I’m about to show you the dirtiest, most manipulative technique around… and no one’s doing it either.
But first…
Why are we a society that rewards bad behavior? Think about this for a second.
Let’s say that you’ve been dating a woman that starts to have wondering eyes. Maybe she begins to flirt a little more with other guys when you’re around. Obviously, she wants attention.
You know, trying to make you jealous.
What does the “normal” guy do in those situations?
Number One: He starts to become EVEN NICER to the girl… maybe buying her stuff and giving her more of his time. If you really think about it, know you’ve just told the woman that this type of behavior either gets rewarded through gifts or attention… so it continues.
Number Two: He confronts her about it in an angry… challenging way… which… again… makes her feel more important because of the attention.
In both of these cases… you are now chasing her.
And… to top it off, if she wants attention from you… she now knows what to do.
Think about it this way: What if you just started ignoring her completely? Maybe, you just pull away from her. When she asks what’s wrong, maybe you say that you just aren’t feeling it anymore?
Why even bring attention to the situation? Why reinforce the behavior?
Instead, why don’t you do nice things WHEN YOU GET A BEHAVIOR you want?
Here’s an example:
Suppose she gives you a massage one night when you’ve had a rough day…
So, maybe the next day you send her a card in appreciation… or a nice text message… or leave an appreciative voice mail. Tell how much it helped out.
If she’s looking for attention from you… don’t you think she’ll be more apt to give you MORE massages… because of the POSITIVE FEEDBACK.
Most people never REINFORCE this positive behavior… EVER. They just think that the massage is “due”.
But what if you don’t get massages… but you want one from her.
Shit, don’t make a big deal out of it… just drop the hint… and if she doesn’t get it… go pay for one yourself. She’ll get it. You don’t have to bring it up as a jealous thing either. If she asks, you just say:
“Yeah, I went to get a massage today… and it really helped me out. I feel so much better.”
Don’t get uptight. Don’t yell. No pain.
Let the pain come from the fear of LOSS… not the barrage of insults that are getting ready to flow.
Think about it this way: If people (and this applies in management as well), aren’t performing like you need them to… because they just aren’t trying… DON’T GIVE THEM ANY ATTENTION.
Because the opposite of love isn’t hate… it’s indifference.
… and the opposite of Positive Attention isn’t Negative Attention… it’s NO ATTENTION.
Check out this old video of ‘ole Ross Jeffries on YouTube… toward the middle of the video… he talks about this a bit.
Now, I don’t personally know him… nor have I subscribed to his teachings or bought any products… but this aspect of rewarding the behavior that you WANT is priceless.
